May the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you and the pure light within you, guide your way on "~Incredible String Band

Friday, August 24, 2007

To Everything There Is a Season...

It is amazing how having a baby brings out the kindness in everybody. Moss and I have received so many congatulatory emails and even gifts from folks we never met . One such gift came from a sweet woman named Lori. Despite recovering from surgery she took the time to quilt a baby blanket, and crochet another blanket as well as booties and a hat for Sage. How very sweet ! They are gorgeous and so appreciated. What a nice story to be able to tell Sage. How someone she never even met loved her enough to hand make all those beautiful things for her.


Another wonderful hand made gift came from my very own mamma ! She hand made a gorgeous patchwork blanket for Sage. In addition to that she passed on to her a cloth doll that HER mom made for her when she was little. How wonderful for Sage to have a doll that was made by her great grandma for her grandma.


This week has been crazy hectic, and finally after nearly a week straight of preperation we are ready to leave here. As I write this update we are just minutes from leaving. I am so grateful we were allowed this space to nest and give birth. We have been very busy packing this week and it is with a bit of bitter sweetness that I go about disasembling my birth alter and taking down the carefully placed pictures that only a few short weeks ago I put up. I am reminded of the day I gave birth in that room, now almost three months ago exactly, though it seems like just yesterday. I replay the events over and over again in my mind , relishing every deatil. The smell of lavendar oil, the way the sunlight filtred through the curtains at the momment of birth, Moss's strong and loving support all forever etched in my mind. I remember too the beautiful air of excitement and energy that seemed tro envelope the house and everyone in it , in the days leading up to her birth. In the days after I recall the special, magickal other worldliness the three of us existed in as we got aquanited.


I have been so enjoying watching her grow these past few months, all her little milestones. Every day I hold her tight and as I look at her my heart fills with such love but at the same time a deep sadness knowing that she is already three months old.I mourned her newborn stage, I mourned her one month and two month stage, and now her three month stage. I suspect it will be this way for the rest of our life together. As much as I delight in her growth I also realize that every step she takes, with my love and encouragement, is a step futher from mamma. I am struck by the irony that I want so much to hold on to her, yet it is my job to guide her towards independance in a selfless and loving way. In the end I reaize that I cannot hold on to her, for she is not really mine to hold. She is her own person and all I can do is love her unconditionally and cherish every single momment.


What a profound lesson in true love and detachment mothering is, the ultimate bhakti yoga .......




The blanket made by blog reader Lori. Thanks Lori !


The blanket made by my mama. Thanks Ma !


This doll was made by my grandma for my mom.. Thanks Gram !


Sage all straped in and ready for her first adventure !


And away we go....

2 comments:

nina said...

I totally empathize with you on the excitement of a child's growth, but yet the mourning. Its almost like we are constantly "loosing" a child and gaining a "new" one-a constant state of metamorphism...( I hope that makes sense?!) There is a saying I love- although not sure of the source...

" we first give a child roots, then wings"...........


I hold my babe so close, yet realizing the point of all this (pregnancy,birth, parenthood..) is to nourish her to be strong enough to leave me and explore this wonderful world!! Ah...bitter sweet indeed.

The Free Range Family said...

Good luck on your journey!

How's the bus doing? I gotta tell ya, when I see Moss in that last picture behind the wheel I'm reminded of that movie "Sister Act II" and the one monk who wore a hat like that when he tended garden. hehe.