Computer Down....

Just a quick note to let you all know that Moss, Sage ,myself and the flock are all alive and well. We have received a few emails inquiring about our well being and asking why I have not posted in a few weeks. There are a few reasons....

The most important being that Casper, that mischevious goffins cockatoo of ours has suceeded in chewing through the computer cord which in turn shorted out the computer and fried the motherboard ! This has resulted in us being temporarily computerless as we scrape together some funds for a new computer. At present I am on a borrowed computer ( borrowed as in for a few minutes to write this update). We hope to have a new or rather, refurbished computer within the next the next week.


Long time readers of this blog may have noticed that my posts do tend to be rather infrequent, although I try to post at least once a month. My philosophy of blogging emphasises quality over quantity. Instead of countless entries filled with meaningless dribble about what I had for breakfast or what movie I watched last night, I prefer instead to wait until I feel really inspired and have something to say. There seems to be a necesary waiting time between each post to allow myself to sufficently fill up with inspiration, before I once again purge myself for all the world to read here on this blog.

Anyway, Moss and I have finally fixed our solar electric system and are currently packing the bus in preperation for our maiden voyage as a new family. Our plans, if you can call them that, are to "go north", eventually ending up in Oregon at some point to visit with some dear friends, introduce them to Sage and check out an intentional communitry as a potential homebase for us. How nice would be to have a place to settle for a few months out of the year !

This week was full of excitement for us ,LOL..... Moss was in front of a store that will herefore go unamed (due to a pending lawsuit ), gathering signatures for a california initiative, and the store called the police. This lead to him being arrested for refusal to leave and tresspassing . He refused to leave because it is his constitutional right to gather signatures on state initiatives any place that is open to the public. This is interperted by the court to mean in front of any store that is in a shopping plaza connected by a sidewalk to surroundng stores. Moss sat in jail for a day until I was able to bail him out. The good news is we now are looking for a lawyer, and already spoke to one who believes we have a very good case against the store ( although he does not take civil cases anymore ) and can sue them for violating Moss's civil rights. A friend of ours who was petitioning in Washington at this same store and arrested for it, recently received a large compensation . The thing is, Moss tried to tell them, he wanted anything BUT to get arrested . He kept telling them to call the city attorney. This usually works because the city attorney informs the ignorant officers of the little known law and we are released. He tried showing them the papers he had outlining the various court cases supporting this law, and still they did not listen. They never even read him his rights. Luckily there was a lady nearby who works for an attorney and saw the whole thing. In fact, she tried to explain to the officers the law also, but to know avail. As Moss was being put into the cop car she gave him her number and said she will testify.


He goes to court on Sept 17th at which point he will plead not guilty and we will proceed with the lawsuit. If all goes we'll be able to sue this obnoxious store BIGTIME.......

Moving Right Along....

Sage is now seven weeks old ! The time seems to be going so fast, and though barely two months old Moss and I look at her and think she looks so old, practically a toddler. Our lives seem to be slowly reforming themselves into some semblance of their previous incarnation. I say "some semblance" as things are the same, yet quite different. Sage's birth seems to have opened my heart in so many ways. I have more patience and love now for everyone I see. I look at people, even the hardened criminals and think, "that is someones baby !". I realize that in so many ways, we are all children...


This week we managed to get a seat belt installed in the bus, and hence Sages car seat, after of course, some initial problems. The seat we had would only face one way and would not work right on our bus seats. So, we had to go out and buy a "convertible car seat". That is a car seat that goes from infant to toddler (40 lbs). We can now turn the seat facing back as is recommended for an infant, without having to rip out and redesign the bench seat. The down side is it cost 90 $, the up side is now we have a safe seat for Sage that we can keep for a long time.


This week we also added another member to our family. Her name is Palomino and she is a very dear, very sweet, brain damaged pigeon who will be joining us and the rest of the flock on the bus. My friend Jackie, a fellow rehabber, took her in a few months ago, as a fledgling. She was found almost near dead following an attack by a hungry family of crows, which resulted in severe head trauma and a badly damaged eye. Jackie nursed her back to health over several weeks and I volunteered to give her a home. The sad thing is, because of her brain damage, she has never learned to eat on her own. Their is a high likely hood that she will need to be tube fed twice a day for the rest of her life. This is no problem for me though, tube feeding a pigeon is not a difficult thing and something I have done many, many times when I was actively running my wild bird center. She is such a sweet girl and I am so happy to have her with us. She also cannot fly well,( she flies backwards sort of and cannot go very far) despite the fact that her wings are in perfect working order. This is also due to her brain damage. Besides that she is healthy and happy, though one does get the impression that there is something not quite "right" about her. She loves to snuggle on laps and have her beak and head scratched. She is very handle able and I look forward to her being a sort of ambassador for pigeons everywhere.


Anyway, now that the car seat is in, we are just waiting on our new solar charge controller to arrive from our good friends at the Mobile Homestead ( I highly reccomned these guys for all sorts of great alternative energy RV products), before we can leave. Our old one broke some time ago, leaving us with no electricity. This one , The Solar Boost 2000 is supposed to ultra efficient, to the point where it is like adding an extra panel.


The plan is still to head to Santa Barbara for a time where we will sell my sculptures and the new felt boots Moss and I have been working on. We are very excited about the boots and have been saving up money to start a business making them. I love making my felted doll sculptures, but they take so long and each one must be an individual work of art. The boots are great because we can have just a few styles, we can both make them, and they are the same every time. Moss is doing quite a bit of the boot making and is becoming quite the cobbler. He felts them, lays out the wool and shapes them. I am responsible for making the soles and surface design. We both dye the wool. When we get the first three display models done I will be posting pics and taking orders if anyone is interested.



I have some other excellent news as well. Some dear friends of our from Oregon bought some land awhile back and have recently contacted us with an interest in setting up a small commune, or intentional community, on their land ! There is already another family there and lots of children. They offered us a space for our bus, and in return ask only that we participate in building projects, help in the garden and just be part of the community ! What a wonderful way for Sage to grow up ! These are long time friends of ours near a town where we lived for quite awhile, Eugene. So, we will be heading up there probably in fall to check it out.


At present we are still enjoying our time with Moss's folks, though eager to move on, which we will do, just as soon as the part we are waiting on arrives....

Turn off your mind, relax and float down stream....

I am standing on the beach, as the ocean rushes and swirls about my ankles. The waves are large and the waters are filled many hundreds of strange and unknown creatures. I am frightened . Looking to my left I notice my mother standing beside me, she looks so strong and confident, her back straight and her head held high. She is a portrait of poise and grace and she walks slowly to meet the rushing waves.

"Are you not frightened mother ? ", I ask, incredulous.


"what is there to be frightened of ? " , she responds, smiling sweetly.


"The waves are huge and the ocean is filled with so many unknown creatures ! " I respond.


"Nonsense", she says squeezing my hand gently, "there is nothing to fear. You just dive in, like this.."



With that she dove into the waves. I watch her twist and turn joyfully in the waters with ease. Suddenly, I lose all fear and with a running start I too dive into the water, letting the waves take me away, there is no resistance as I swim effortlessly along side her. Together we swim into the wide open ocean as the great mother envelopes us...


That is how my labor began June 9th at 7:00 am. I awoke with a contraction and running to the bathroom I noticed a good amount of blood on the TP. This is it , I say silently to myself, with a mixture of excitement and dread, this is the day !


Suddenly all my senses are heightened, I pause briefly, to savor the moment. Looking out the window at the sun filtering through tree leaves, I notice what a beautiful day it is. A male house finch sings softly from a nearby perch, a redtail hawk cries in the distance and a slight breeze blows gently through the open window, carrying with it the many smells of late spring and early summer... recently mowed grass, warm cedar chips, freshly blooming flowers . I notice, just outside the bathroom window on the ledge, the resident pigeons are nesting and the mama looks down on me from her place upon her nest. I will soon be a mother too, I think, as ours eyes meet .


A contraction draws my attention back to the immediate situation, I rise and walk excitedly back to the bedroom. Moss is just stirring from bed as I tell him, this beautiful day will be the day of our precious daughters birth ! He is excited, though sweetly nervous. Since the contractions are not real strong or regular at this point we take the time to clean up the room a little, prepare the birth pool and make sure all our supplies are in order. I then settle down to meditate, listen to my c.d's and relax.


Around 1:00 pm contractions are becoming a bit more regular and I am feeling some nausea. We decide to call our midwife Kari and give her a heads up, as well as our friend Jackie who will be providing labor support and photography. After a short conversation, everyone agrees that it would be best for them to make their way slowly over to our place.


Despite the fact that I am handling everything well, I am eager to get into the birthing pool. Moss fills the pool for me and after a half hour I get in. If this is it, I am gonna sail through labor, I think smugly as I lower myself down into the warm water. The relief is nearly instantaneous and seems to actually halt my contractions. I fear that maybe I got into the water too early and although I know this is probably not helping my labor along, I could not bring myself to get out. kari arrived a short time later and upon seeing me in the tub laughing and talking, decided to check me for dilation. After checking she announces I am 2 cm dilated.

Yikes..on hearing this my previous smug confidence disappears. Things are going to get a lot more intense...


Kari suggests I get out of the pool and walk around to get things going. I pace the hallway for a while and this really does seem to speed things up. Before long I am needing to lean on the stair railing during contractions. I keep this up for some time, until I can no longer bare the sound of my in laws arguing downstairs over 1940's actors and old tv shows, which although I find very amusing, was becoming distracting. We decide to move out to the bus to labor for awhile. It was here that things really started picking up as I began to lose all sense of time and really entered my own little world. At one point I stopped pacing to throw up, sit on the birth ball and moan through a contraction. Once again Moss was there for every contraction, rubbing my sacrum and offering me kind words of love and support.



At some point we move back into the house and on the bed, with Moss behind me, rubbing my back. My main coping method was to breathe slowly and deeply between contractions while concentrating on actively relaxing my bottom as completely as possible. When I felt a contraction coming on I would signal and Moss would rub my sacrum, as I vocalized using low and open throated tones.This helped incredibly. I read that there is a subconcious link between the vaginal canal and the throat. By keeping the throat loose and open with use of certain tones, the vaginal canal is relaxed, which in turn allows for an easier, less painful birth. I noticed the few times my voice began to rise to a kind of squeal, my pain intensified dramtically. As soon as I brought it down low things were much more manageable.


We stayed on the bed in this way for what seemed a very long time. At some point kari came in and asked if I wanted to be checked. Reluctantly I agreed. After checking kari announces I am 7 cm dilated ! I am both pleased and disappointed at this news. The good news is I am nearing transition and will soon have Sage in my arms ! The bad news is..I am nearing transition...



On hearing this I felt well within my rights to finally get into the birthing pool. I slip into the warm water with a huge sigh of relief and let my body float with my head resting against the side of the kiddie pool. Moss was right there, as he was throughout the entire labor, holding my hand and rubbing my back. This was the most intense part of my labor. The only way to deal with the intensity of what I was feeling was to completely surrender to it. I could not run away from the feeling, or stop it. I could only submit myself, body and mind to it, and keep telling myself to relax all my muscles. The Beatles were playing on the ipod,



"Turn off your mind relax and float down stream, this is not dyeing, this is not dyeing" ...



I had to smile at how perfect that mantra was. Gotta love those Beatles. I was then reminded of the dream that began my labor and visualized myself diving into the waves of contractions I was now feeling. I continued on in this way, laboring in the water for some time, riding the contractions like waves. They were coming hard and fast at this point, starting as an ache in my sides and quickly building to an extremely intense tightening across my lower belly and back, then gradually subsiding. At the peak of every contraction my hand would shoot out, almost involuntarily, grasping and clawing wildly at the air like a person drowning. I wanted to grab something, anything, and pull myself back. It felt as though I was sinking , being sucked down into the very earth herself by the force of my own body. Always a hand would quickly emerge from some where for me to hold, usually Moss's, but there were others as well. I noticed every time the sensations got to much to bare I would feel a rush of energy, followed by a feeling of ecstasy, which I figured was the much talked about endorphins, "the body's natural pain relief."



At some point my thoughts began to turn towards pushing, and just as I was thinking this I started to feel the urge. Thank Goddess, I thought with a renewed strength. I am so close to holding my baby !



These pushing contractions were distinctly different. I felt them throughout my entire body instead of just my lower back and belly. Every muscle in my body seemed to surge at once, causing me to bare down with very little effort on my part. I was doing nothing at this point, my body was in complete control and I was simply along for the ride. The Moody Blues, To Our Children's children, was playing on the ipod and faded in and out of my consciousness between contractions . At last the contractions seemed to slow a bit and I had a long and much appreciated rest. I draped my head over the side of the kiddie pool and breathed slowly, relaxing completely in preparation for the final act..



Before long I felt that intense aching again in my pelvis and lower back that signaled the start of another contraction. With this one however there was an added sensation as my pelvis seemed to separate, to my amazement. It felt like I was splitting in two as my body literally opened and became as a vortex for this new soul to enter the world. I realized this was the baby moving down lower into the birth canal . Oddly though, there was little pain at this point, in fact there were fleeting moments of what I might call, pleasure, followed by the very strange and some what alarming sensation of my body opening. Another rest, then a contraction, my entire body convulsing at once and baring down hard, then the "ring of fire", that intense burning as the head crowns. Excited voices drift in and out of my consciousness, the smell of lavender oil fills the air, time stands still, then silence as I go deep within myself searching for that last bit of strength to actively push the baby out.



The next thing I know there is a huge release of pressure and Holly, Moss's sister exclaims excitedly as Sage slips out into the water just in time to Moody Blues, Eyes Of a Child, playing on the ipod. I cannot see what is going on because I am turned around and draped over the side of the tub and and on my knees. Everyone is oohing and ahhing excitedly. I turn around, Moss lays Sage on my chest and our eyes meet for the first time. Breath taking....



"Hello beautiful daughter ! So wonderful to meet you !"



But wait, something is not quite right. There is concern in Kari's eyes as she tells me Sage is not breathing. Rub her back Kari tells us. Moss and I vigorously rub her back. Is she o.k I ask repeatedly ? Kari does not confirm that she is. The room goes quiet as we continue rubbing Sages back and kari suctions her nose. Finally after what seems like an eternity, the first cry, tiny at first, then louder.



We all breathe a collective sigh of relief as Sage lets out a healthy wail. She is wrapped in a warm bath towel and the two of us, still attached, are helped out of the tub and onto the bed, where we are joined by Moss. We cuddle for awhile and eventually Moss cuts the cord. Soon afterwards Sage begins nursing.


This was the most profound and beautiful experience of my life.


I am so pleased I chose to birth naturally and I cannot imagine doing it any other way. Yes, it was intense but never did I feel that I could not do it or that it was too much to handle. I actually found myself longing to re live my birth experience weeks later. In some strange way it actually felt good.... to feel the awesome power of my body, to be aware and conscious of this sacred event, to witness and honour the emergence of this new soul into the earth plane in such a deliberate manner. I simply cannot imagine a more peaceful and sacred way to welcome a child.



Sage Evenstar Ratafia was born on June 9th 2007 at 7:05 pm, weighing 7lbs 14 0z, and we couldn't be happier ...............

The Birth of A Family..

Thank you for all the many blessings and comments, both private and public, we have received ! I am finishing up a few details and waiting on some photos from my friend Jackie, then will be posting a detailed birth story.

We three are doing very well and enjoying our new lives together. I have to say I am shocked and surprised at how in love I am with this little girl! The intensity of what I am feeling is beyond anything I could have imagined. I thought for sure I would take a long time to bond and that I would be horribly depressed and unable to cope with the demands of motherhood. I was convinced I would have no idea what to do with a baby and that breastfeeding would be a nightmare. I imagined myself sleep deprived and suffering from severe post partum depression. I made sure moss was well versed in the signs of post partum psychosis and knew where to get help for me if need be.I think it is precisely because I read every post partum horror story and imagined every conceivable difficulty that I am having an easy time of it. I prepared myself for how difficult it can be,as well as what to reasonably expect..so there were no surprises.

Yes, I know this flies in the face of now conventional wisdom, a la "The Secret" but I do think it played a part in my easy adjustment. That and the fact that I am the luckiest woman in the world, as I have a husband who is incredibly supportive. He is as good or better than any postpartum doula. The other thing I think may have helped is the two fish oil capsules I take every day (it definitely helped with stretch marks !)

The truth is, my post partum time has been a joy and a delight, and motherhood has been, so far anyway, purely natural and instinctual ! Sage is a great nurser and breastfeeding couldn't be easier. She has also been sleeping well through the night (as much as can be expected of a newborn anyway) . We have been co sleeping, meaning she sleeps in the bed with Moss and I. This is, I believe, where babies are meant to sleep. It is where they feel the most secure and comforted, snuggled in next to mama and papa ! When she wakes in the night hungry, I simply roll over, offer her a breast and go on sleeping. I barely need to wake up. It is no wonder most folks with newborns get little sleep, as it is customary in this country to put baby in a separate room in a crib. When baby cries mom needs to get up and go into the other room, calm baby down and nurse her to sleep, or worse, go in the kitchen and fix a bottle. Finally when the baby is sleeping, she is placed back in the crib again only to start screaming the minute she is put down..starting the cycle all over again.

If only more people in this country would embrace co sleeping, as do cultures all over the world and, as our species has done since the beginning of time, parents - and babies - would sleep much better !

In an effort to be reduce landfill waste, save money and for Sages health (avoiding synthetic plastics) we have chosen to cloth diaper. We are using a mix of pre folds and fancy fitted diapers. So far that has been easy as well, though I have been warned that when she starts solids we may really consider going with disposables. Moss has been a wonderful dad and partner and is doing most of the diaper changes, helping fold laundry and just being the amazing nurturing person he is. We have an agreement, I take care of what goes in and he takes care of what comes out. I do my share of diaper changes, but he has been doing most of them and really enjoys spending that time with Sage, being silly and having fun. He is also a master at calming her down using infant massage/touch ( Moss is a natural healer, very good with reiki type energy work) when booby, wet diapers or gas is not the problem.

I do have my weepy moment's from time to time now, but not for the reasons I thought I would. I figured I would be in tears and berating myself for having thrown my life away. Instead I am in tears thinking how quickly she will grow up and leave..

Anyway, our plans are to remain here at Moss's folks house for a few more weeks. We need to install belts in the bus for Sages car seat, fix some problems with the electrical system and do some other last minute baby proofing things. Once that is done we can move back into the bus and begin our new life as a family. Hopefully, we will get things done in time to make it to the Faerie worlds festival in Eugene, on July 21. If not, the plan is to head to Santa Barbara for the summer, where we will sell some art and save up a bit of money for the fall and winter.

In the meantime we are are at the folks house, counting our blessings and enjoying every second of Sages babyness, as I know it will pass all too soon....

Sage Is Now Earthside !

Just wanted to let everyone know that Sage is now earthside !



Sage (still deciding on middle name) was born at 7 :05 pm on 6/9/2007 (my birthday is 9/6/72) weighing 7 lbs 14 0z and 21 inches long. She was born in warm water into Moss's arms.


There just are no satisfactory words !


The song that was playing as she emerged was Moody Blues, "With the Eyes of a Child", perfect..


Needless to say we are in a state of bliss and exhaustion with few words that really convey at this point all that we are feeling and the realizations we are having. I did not expect to be feeling SO much so quickly, especially after initially feeling nothing, just very neutral.


We three are enjoying our baby moon and want to thank everyone for all the love and energy sent our way. The following photo was taken at just a few hours old by my dear friend Jackie Wollner, who was there at the birth offering her strength, love and wonderful talent as a photographer. Thank you Jackie for everything..


Of course, a detailed birth story and more photos to follow shortly....

The above pic is two hours after birth. The following are exactly one week to the day she was born, she just gets more beautiful seemingly every minute....

Waiting....

Hi folks just another quick update here. I am just a few days away from my June 5th due date and still no baby.



I continue to enjoy my nesting time, which is really kicking in hard lately . Everything is finally in place and I am feeling closer to being ready, or as ready as a person can be anyway. We have our birth tub, clothes, cloth diapers, special labor food, candles, our Ipod birthing playlist, including Moss's new song, "Song of Sage" , which we will play for her as she is being birthed. I even had time to make some wool diaper covers out of old sweaters. My friend Jackie, who is an amazing photographer will be present during the birth and taking pictures. Holly, Moss's sister will also be there as well as his mom. At the very moment of birth however, I am hoping it will be just Moss, Sage and I.



The only thing left to do now is give birth and begin the rest of my life...



To say things are becomming sureal would be an understatement , as I hoover in this strange sort of timeless place, awaiting and still unable to completely grasp the immensity of the fact that within the next week or so I will be a mom. A MOM ! I imagine it is rather like a moth or butterfly in a cocoon awaiting to emerge. Yes, it seems in giving birth, I give birth not just to a new soul but also to a part of myself.



Moss and I have been enjoying our last days together as a couple in a sort of melencholy way. Things will never be the same for us and we are just trying to honour this time as much as possible. We have had nearly 15 years though of just being with each other and spending time together. That is so much more than most people ever have together, before having kids. It is definitely time to spread the love around.



As for the bus it is finally finished and seems to be working quite well. It is curently parked in front of the house here at Moss's folks, where we will be birthing...any day now. Stay tuned ...





I love this picture of Moss, taken on a recent visit to the nearby Santa Monica Mountains..



A not so flattering picture of me, but I figured I needed one in there to document my last days of pregnancy.

I am Opening Up In Sweet Surender...

Before I update everyone with whats going on, I just wanted to say a few words about some changes we made to the blog this last week....


In an effort to generate a little cash flow for our new family, we have adedd a few pages of items for sale. On the left we have adedd a button that will take you to a page featuring my sculptures and other fiber related art work. There you can view and purchase any of the items profiled. I will be updating the page as new items are made. On the right we have adedd a button that will take you to Moss's page featuring his music. There you can download and purchase individual tracks, listen to samples or purchase the c.d. It will also be a place where Moss will post new music he is working on. Hopefully he will also be adding some blog posts now and again. On the right hand side of the page here, further down, we have adedd a few re sale items for purchase, rope sandals and the sacred medicinal herb, Kratom.


Now back to our regularly scheduled blog post....


Today I am 35 weeks pregnant, and yes, believe it or not we are once again changeing care providers. Previously I mentioned how we had settled with the wonderful midwives and staff at South Coast Midwifery. However, a lot of the funds that we were putting towards that had to go to fixing the engine, which was destroyed by some nasty person putting an unknown substance in our tank ( the consensus seems to be powdered sugar). This, coupled with the fact that work is starting later than we had anticpated, has forced us to look elsewhere for an afordable midwife. Our options were becoming slimmer and slimmer, and driving up north, where midwives charge much less was looking like an increasingly likely option. Either that or unassited birth ( moss is not a fan of this idea) or hospital birth ( we both were not a fan of this idea).


I then began calling around, looking for a midwife that was willing to accept what we could pay. I figured since I am so far along, that my chances were good, as I only need a few more pre-natals until the birth. As luck would have it, I found a wonderful nurse midwife, Carrie, who Moss and I both adore and is willing to take us at a very reasonable rate. She has been a midwife since the early 70's and has delivered many hundreds of babies.


Moss has family in southern California who we have been staying with as the bus is being worked on and that is where we will give birth in a few weeks as well. We have made ourselves comfortable in the upstairs bedroom and when I go into labour I only need to call the midwife who will then come and assist. We will probably stay for a month or so afterwards, as we adjust to our new lives and so Moss's family can enjoy Sage. Then in late July probably head up north, though even that's not for certain.


The last year or so that we have been travelling in and around the southern California region, selling our stuff, hanging out on the beach, visiting with Moss's folks off and on and helping them renovate their house to sell. Moss put in a new floor for them, painted, drywalled and various other things. Since we have been comming here with the bus, the neighbors have done nothing but complain, despite the fact that we have moved the bus regularly as per the law. It was here that the vandalism occured to our bus. It seems someone recently called the local paper who then did a small piece on us, which you can read here,


http://www.toacorn.com/news/2007/0329/community/042.html



In an effort to present our side of the story, we responded with our own follow up article,


http://www.toacorn.com/news/2007/0419/community/022.html



Since the community is a small one and many people read the paper, we are now frequently stopped on the street by folks expressing their condolences,which is a little embarassing. While there have been no leads, there have been a few folks who contacted us asking if they could donate to our bus repairs and encouraging us to put the donation button up. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who sent us words of encouragement, good vibes/prayers and donations, it really helps, every little bit.


As for the bus, it still sits in North Hollywood where it is being worked on. We found an excellent diesel mechanic who is working on it in his off time, after working during the day at a commercial auto repair business. He is giving us a good deal and Moss and I both feel he is very trust worthy.


Meanwhile, we are here in Thousand Oaks with family. I have been feeling the nesting urge so strongly and am finally enjoying time to really settle in and prepare for Sage's birth in (gulp) five weeks. I have created a birth alter and brought some stuff in from the bus to put in the room. Some familar objects that make it feel homey and comfortable. It is so nice to know that all I need to do now is just BE and let my body do it's thing.


I have been senseing an amazing shift in my conciousness lately, and seem to be entering this sort of timeless state where everything is suspended. It is very psychedleic as I see myself almost from above looking down on this woman moving through life in slow motion. It's as if the mommet Sage is born everything will sort of catch up and move at a normal speed. I realize this is my spirit preparing for this great rite of passage, my going from maiden to mother. It amazes me that this will happen so soon, less than five weeks until my life changes in ways that I cannot even begin to fathom....

The River Is Flowing, Flowing and Growing.....

Just a quick update to let folks know what is going on with the bus saga...


At this time our bus sits in North Hollywood, gutted and awaiting a new engine. The engine is being shipped from Michigan and should be here by Thursday. If all goes well we should be back on the road by late next week. Now we just have to hope that it is as good an engine as the guy we bought it from claims (gulp). Meanwhile, we have been staying at a dear friends house in Van Nuys and a family member in Ventura County, counting the days until we are once again back in our home.


My belly is getting bigger seemingly by the hour as Sage put s on weight for her impending birth, in one and a half months. I managed to find a wonderful childbirth class for Moss and I to attend. It is in the tradition of Birthing From Within by Pam England. Last night was the first class in Santa Barbara, along with three other couples, all planning natural home births as well. It felt so good to finally be around other pregnant women and to share all the fears and excitement with others who understand. It was good for the dad's too and they are very much included in the class. We practiced using various pain coping techniques while holding ice cubes in tightly clenched fists. It is surprisingly painful. There are three other sessions we will be attending before the end of the month, as well as various other breastfeeding and child care classes I have lined up for us. The Birthing From Within Class is normally 300 and some odd dollars, but the teacher agreed to a partial cash payment and trade of one of my fiber sculptures.



Now that the bus issue is sort of on it's way to being solved, we have to think about how we are going to come up with the money needed to pay for our midwife. It ended up that a good portion of the money we were going to give the midwife, went to get our bus fixed, as without that we are esentialy homeless. On top of that, work is starting up later than we had hoped. There is a slight possibility that we will have to just pay for the service we received thus far, then leave and head up North in May, where midwives are much less expensive (in Oregon state insurance will cover all costs), to have the baby. Then again, the idea of driving all that distance in the bus, bouncing and shaking, in my last month is NOT appealing. Not to mention we really like the people we are with. However, we will do as we must when the time comes. If work picks up soon, which it is expected to any day, then we may not have to do that.


On another note, I have an auction up On Ebay.Below I have included a photo of the piece. If anyone is intrested in any of the fiber art shown now or ever, feel free to contact me for prices and availability.


*Update* ~ "Spirit Wind has sold on Ebay

LIFE Is Like a Little Boat Upon The Sea....

Well, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that the whole thing with Greg fell through, he was not able to get the bus he thought he would. We now are faced with having to buy a new engine for the bus. In addition to that we will have to replace the whole fuel system and flush the tanks to ensure all the sugar has been removed from the system. If we were to put in a comparable engine to what we had we would be looking at a little over 10,000 dollars...obviously way more than we could ever come up with in two months.


So..we are forced to purchase a good used engine, which I believe we have found for 2,700 plus 700 for shipping. It has 91,000 miles on it, which, according to our mechanic is just "breaking it in" for this particular engine. The engine does come complete with oil pan, fuel system and starter. They also do not want the core of our engine in return, which apparently, many places often do. This means that we will have our engine to salvage additional parts from. All this should cost around 6000 , which will come from money we were saving to pay our midwife, moving to N.C and a loan from a family member.

I am a firm believer that all things happen for a reason, there is always a lesson to be learned and some kind of wisdom to be gleaned, especially so with disasters like this. Aside from buying a locking gas cap, I have been wondering what lesson is here for us. For one thing it has made me realize that we need to have some kind of safety net in the future, because next time there will be no loan from anyone. Either a large savings account or a some type of credit card that we use only for emergency situations . Obviously, the large savings account is the more preferable, but the credit card is the more likely scenario at this time. This will take time though as neither Moss nor I have ever had a credit card.We do not have bad credit, we just have no credit..almost as bad.


I have been on the road both by myself and with Moss for 16 years now, and have become quite used to braking down and being towed , penniless, to some remote place in the middle of nowhere. It has never been a problem and I have always found that a positive attitude, lots of creative thinking and good bit of waiting have solved most issues. In many ways, this is what I really love about vagabond travel ! There is a level of complete trust and acceptance that must take place. One must be ever ready to flow with whatever happens and live always in the moment. It is a very zen thing. Often we find that there was a good reason something happened, either we needed to be somewhere to affect another persons life in some way, or we benefited in some way we otherwise would not have.


In the past this philosophy has always been enough, though I must confess, I now worry how it will all work with a child. In some ways I feel we may simply be called on to use these skills and techniques in the same way just more so. However, I do think that there must also be a middle ground, a safety net. Yes, we can continue to follow our bliss, travel and live in whatever other way we choose, but with a child there now needs to be an extra level of assurance.


On a lighter note...I went in for an ultrasound a few weeks a go and the tech asked me if I wanted to know the sex. I had not intended to find out, but in a moment of weakness I caved and now we know the sex of our baby. Honestly I have never been the sort of person who could handle surprises. I am ashamed to admit I was the child pinching little holes in the wrapping paper at Christmas time .


So then, we are having a little......girl !!


Her first name will be Sage. We are still out on a middle name, but are strongly considering Anias. Sage Anias Ratafia. It's very odd but it feels like I know her already and cannot imagine life without her. It's not as though I know her personality and can see what she looks like, but there is just a very familiar presence and energy I sense around me at all times now. In the early months we felt like she was not around as much. It was as though her spirit was spending more time detached from her body. Somewhere in the middle of the second tri mester we started to get the feeling that she was spending much more in her body and that's when it seems I could sense her energy and presence more.


I went to another appointment with Amber, our midwife, and she was as lovely and supportive as before. She has a great spiritual strength and her thoughts on our current predicament were very encouraging. I am not going to lie, this whole thing with the bus has been incredibly stressful on me and I worry how Sage must be feeling. I wish so much that I could be spending all my prenatal time in one place, in the forest or on the beach, instead of in the outskirts of LA dealing with all this. She echoed our thoughts that everything happens for a reason and that we need to just trust. She also said that Sage is head down and growing well.


Only two months and counting until we meet her in person......

When it Rains, It POURS......

I have some bad news to report..VERY bad news. In fact the worst news possible, baring death or illness.


It seems some a**hole thought it would be funny to pour an unknown substance (not sure exactly what yet, something gritty. Looks like maybe sugar.) into our fuel tank. We of course, did not realize it at the time and were driving merrily down the 101 freeway the other day when the engine started making this horrific banging noise followed by lots of smoke. We pulled off the freeway and came to stop on a residential street in front of a school. Moss jumped out and threw up the hood. After the smoke cleared we saw what appeared to be a hole in the engine block with a rod poking through.


We inspected the oil (at this point pouring through the hole in the engine) and noticed right away it did not look right, it was sticky, gritty and unusually frothy. Immediately we were suspicious and recalled how several weeks ago we returned to the bus to find the gas cap unscrewed and hanging down. This was the same area where previously we had been vandalized ( ironically an upscale neighborhood outside L.A ) with glue in our locks , stolen license plates, nasty obscene notes and repeated egging.


We called our friend and diesel engine mentor Greg who confirmed that indeed sugar in the tank would cause the symptoms we described, but wouldn't show up until after a few hundred miles of driving. That corresponded to exactly around the time we found the gas cap open.


The engine, which was a BRAND NEW, four year old complete factory rebuild is.... DESTROYED ! The timing could not be worse..just a horrible way to start our new life as a family..sigh


When it first happened we were in such a state of shock we did not know what to do. Then we had moment or two of deep despair where we considered throwing in the towel, gutting the bus and selling it for parts. Thankfully that stage did not last long . We soon came to our senses and realized that we must fix it, no matter what it takes, The Enchanted Gypsy must live ! We put way to much work into it and it is our home.



We then set about figuring how, in the next two months we were going to come up with the nearly ten thousand dollars for the cost of the midwife and to replace the engine . Things began looking up a bit after we spoke with our friend Greg however, whom we bought the bus from originally and who still sells bus's.


He said he has a bus with the same engine , (though almost 200,000 miles on it compared to our new one with well under 100,000 on it ) that he would sell us for 800, plus drive it out here for the cost of gas AND help us put it in. He says he has taken out and put in big diesel engines like this nearly twenty times. He will work with Moss and show him exactly how to do everything and thinks it will take about a week or so to finish.


The upside is that Moss will then really know the mechanical aspects to the bus, including how to take out and put in an engine..a very good thing to know when your home is on wheels. The downside is now we have to pay thousands of dollars, plus time and work to put in an engine that is not nearly as good as what we had. If we could only upgrade the engine, or at least put in a new one it wouldn't be so annoying. ARGHHH......


The other lucky thing is that the petitioning season has just started up again and promises to be a good one. For now we have borrowed a car and spent our last two hundred dollars getting towed to a good friends house in the valley. We will be going back and forth between there and Santa Barbara for the next few months working. Greg thinks he can be here within two weeks to help with the engine and it looks like we will be able to work on it at our friend Jackie and Franks house.


Meanwhile.. I have entered my third trimester this week and am feeling quite large and bloated. I am trying not to stress despite all the...well, stress in my life right now. We have two months to make all this money and fix the bus before our baby is due.


I am however optimistic that things will work out, it has too, there just simply are no other options.....