Waiting....

Hi folks just another quick update here. I am just a few days away from my June 5th due date and still no baby.



I continue to enjoy my nesting time, which is really kicking in hard lately . Everything is finally in place and I am feeling closer to being ready, or as ready as a person can be anyway. We have our birth tub, clothes, cloth diapers, special labor food, candles, our Ipod birthing playlist, including Moss's new song, "Song of Sage" , which we will play for her as she is being birthed. I even had time to make some wool diaper covers out of old sweaters. My friend Jackie, who is an amazing photographer will be present during the birth and taking pictures. Holly, Moss's sister will also be there as well as his mom. At the very moment of birth however, I am hoping it will be just Moss, Sage and I.



The only thing left to do now is give birth and begin the rest of my life...



To say things are becomming sureal would be an understatement , as I hoover in this strange sort of timeless place, awaiting and still unable to completely grasp the immensity of the fact that within the next week or so I will be a mom. A MOM ! I imagine it is rather like a moth or butterfly in a cocoon awaiting to emerge. Yes, it seems in giving birth, I give birth not just to a new soul but also to a part of myself.



Moss and I have been enjoying our last days together as a couple in a sort of melencholy way. Things will never be the same for us and we are just trying to honour this time as much as possible. We have had nearly 15 years though of just being with each other and spending time together. That is so much more than most people ever have together, before having kids. It is definitely time to spread the love around.



As for the bus it is finally finished and seems to be working quite well. It is curently parked in front of the house here at Moss's folks, where we will be birthing...any day now. Stay tuned ...





I love this picture of Moss, taken on a recent visit to the nearby Santa Monica Mountains..



A not so flattering picture of me, but I figured I needed one in there to document my last days of pregnancy.

I am Opening Up In Sweet Surender...

Before I update everyone with whats going on, I just wanted to say a few words about some changes we made to the blog this last week....


In an effort to generate a little cash flow for our new family, we have adedd a few pages of items for sale. On the left we have adedd a button that will take you to a page featuring my sculptures and other fiber related art work. There you can view and purchase any of the items profiled. I will be updating the page as new items are made. On the right we have adedd a button that will take you to Moss's page featuring his music. There you can download and purchase individual tracks, listen to samples or purchase the c.d. It will also be a place where Moss will post new music he is working on. Hopefully he will also be adding some blog posts now and again. On the right hand side of the page here, further down, we have adedd a few re sale items for purchase, rope sandals and the sacred medicinal herb, Kratom.


Now back to our regularly scheduled blog post....


Today I am 35 weeks pregnant, and yes, believe it or not we are once again changeing care providers. Previously I mentioned how we had settled with the wonderful midwives and staff at South Coast Midwifery. However, a lot of the funds that we were putting towards that had to go to fixing the engine, which was destroyed by some nasty person putting an unknown substance in our tank ( the consensus seems to be powdered sugar). This, coupled with the fact that work is starting later than we had anticpated, has forced us to look elsewhere for an afordable midwife. Our options were becoming slimmer and slimmer, and driving up north, where midwives charge much less was looking like an increasingly likely option. Either that or unassited birth ( moss is not a fan of this idea) or hospital birth ( we both were not a fan of this idea).


I then began calling around, looking for a midwife that was willing to accept what we could pay. I figured since I am so far along, that my chances were good, as I only need a few more pre-natals until the birth. As luck would have it, I found a wonderful nurse midwife, Carrie, who Moss and I both adore and is willing to take us at a very reasonable rate. She has been a midwife since the early 70's and has delivered many hundreds of babies.


Moss has family in southern California who we have been staying with as the bus is being worked on and that is where we will give birth in a few weeks as well. We have made ourselves comfortable in the upstairs bedroom and when I go into labour I only need to call the midwife who will then come and assist. We will probably stay for a month or so afterwards, as we adjust to our new lives and so Moss's family can enjoy Sage. Then in late July probably head up north, though even that's not for certain.


The last year or so that we have been travelling in and around the southern California region, selling our stuff, hanging out on the beach, visiting with Moss's folks off and on and helping them renovate their house to sell. Moss put in a new floor for them, painted, drywalled and various other things. Since we have been comming here with the bus, the neighbors have done nothing but complain, despite the fact that we have moved the bus regularly as per the law. It was here that the vandalism occured to our bus. It seems someone recently called the local paper who then did a small piece on us, which you can read here,


http://www.toacorn.com/news/2007/0329/community/042.html



In an effort to present our side of the story, we responded with our own follow up article,


http://www.toacorn.com/news/2007/0419/community/022.html



Since the community is a small one and many people read the paper, we are now frequently stopped on the street by folks expressing their condolences,which is a little embarassing. While there have been no leads, there have been a few folks who contacted us asking if they could donate to our bus repairs and encouraging us to put the donation button up. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who sent us words of encouragement, good vibes/prayers and donations, it really helps, every little bit.


As for the bus, it still sits in North Hollywood where it is being worked on. We found an excellent diesel mechanic who is working on it in his off time, after working during the day at a commercial auto repair business. He is giving us a good deal and Moss and I both feel he is very trust worthy.


Meanwhile, we are here in Thousand Oaks with family. I have been feeling the nesting urge so strongly and am finally enjoying time to really settle in and prepare for Sage's birth in (gulp) five weeks. I have created a birth alter and brought some stuff in from the bus to put in the room. Some familar objects that make it feel homey and comfortable. It is so nice to know that all I need to do now is just BE and let my body do it's thing.


I have been senseing an amazing shift in my conciousness lately, and seem to be entering this sort of timeless state where everything is suspended. It is very psychedleic as I see myself almost from above looking down on this woman moving through life in slow motion. It's as if the mommet Sage is born everything will sort of catch up and move at a normal speed. I realize this is my spirit preparing for this great rite of passage, my going from maiden to mother. It amazes me that this will happen so soon, less than five weeks until my life changes in ways that I cannot even begin to fathom....

The River Is Flowing, Flowing and Growing.....

Just a quick update to let folks know what is going on with the bus saga...


At this time our bus sits in North Hollywood, gutted and awaiting a new engine. The engine is being shipped from Michigan and should be here by Thursday. If all goes well we should be back on the road by late next week. Now we just have to hope that it is as good an engine as the guy we bought it from claims (gulp). Meanwhile, we have been staying at a dear friends house in Van Nuys and a family member in Ventura County, counting the days until we are once again back in our home.


My belly is getting bigger seemingly by the hour as Sage put s on weight for her impending birth, in one and a half months. I managed to find a wonderful childbirth class for Moss and I to attend. It is in the tradition of Birthing From Within by Pam England. Last night was the first class in Santa Barbara, along with three other couples, all planning natural home births as well. It felt so good to finally be around other pregnant women and to share all the fears and excitement with others who understand. It was good for the dad's too and they are very much included in the class. We practiced using various pain coping techniques while holding ice cubes in tightly clenched fists. It is surprisingly painful. There are three other sessions we will be attending before the end of the month, as well as various other breastfeeding and child care classes I have lined up for us. The Birthing From Within Class is normally 300 and some odd dollars, but the teacher agreed to a partial cash payment and trade of one of my fiber sculptures.



Now that the bus issue is sort of on it's way to being solved, we have to think about how we are going to come up with the money needed to pay for our midwife. It ended up that a good portion of the money we were going to give the midwife, went to get our bus fixed, as without that we are esentialy homeless. On top of that, work is starting up later than we had hoped. There is a slight possibility that we will have to just pay for the service we received thus far, then leave and head up North in May, where midwives are much less expensive (in Oregon state insurance will cover all costs), to have the baby. Then again, the idea of driving all that distance in the bus, bouncing and shaking, in my last month is NOT appealing. Not to mention we really like the people we are with. However, we will do as we must when the time comes. If work picks up soon, which it is expected to any day, then we may not have to do that.


On another note, I have an auction up On Ebay.Below I have included a photo of the piece. If anyone is intrested in any of the fiber art shown now or ever, feel free to contact me for prices and availability.


*Update* ~ "Spirit Wind has sold on Ebay

LIFE Is Like a Little Boat Upon The Sea....

Well, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that the whole thing with Greg fell through, he was not able to get the bus he thought he would. We now are faced with having to buy a new engine for the bus. In addition to that we will have to replace the whole fuel system and flush the tanks to ensure all the sugar has been removed from the system. If we were to put in a comparable engine to what we had we would be looking at a little over 10,000 dollars...obviously way more than we could ever come up with in two months.


So..we are forced to purchase a good used engine, which I believe we have found for 2,700 plus 700 for shipping. It has 91,000 miles on it, which, according to our mechanic is just "breaking it in" for this particular engine. The engine does come complete with oil pan, fuel system and starter. They also do not want the core of our engine in return, which apparently, many places often do. This means that we will have our engine to salvage additional parts from. All this should cost around 6000 , which will come from money we were saving to pay our midwife, moving to N.C and a loan from a family member.

I am a firm believer that all things happen for a reason, there is always a lesson to be learned and some kind of wisdom to be gleaned, especially so with disasters like this. Aside from buying a locking gas cap, I have been wondering what lesson is here for us. For one thing it has made me realize that we need to have some kind of safety net in the future, because next time there will be no loan from anyone. Either a large savings account or a some type of credit card that we use only for emergency situations . Obviously, the large savings account is the more preferable, but the credit card is the more likely scenario at this time. This will take time though as neither Moss nor I have ever had a credit card.We do not have bad credit, we just have no credit..almost as bad.


I have been on the road both by myself and with Moss for 16 years now, and have become quite used to braking down and being towed , penniless, to some remote place in the middle of nowhere. It has never been a problem and I have always found that a positive attitude, lots of creative thinking and good bit of waiting have solved most issues. In many ways, this is what I really love about vagabond travel ! There is a level of complete trust and acceptance that must take place. One must be ever ready to flow with whatever happens and live always in the moment. It is a very zen thing. Often we find that there was a good reason something happened, either we needed to be somewhere to affect another persons life in some way, or we benefited in some way we otherwise would not have.


In the past this philosophy has always been enough, though I must confess, I now worry how it will all work with a child. In some ways I feel we may simply be called on to use these skills and techniques in the same way just more so. However, I do think that there must also be a middle ground, a safety net. Yes, we can continue to follow our bliss, travel and live in whatever other way we choose, but with a child there now needs to be an extra level of assurance.


On a lighter note...I went in for an ultrasound a few weeks a go and the tech asked me if I wanted to know the sex. I had not intended to find out, but in a moment of weakness I caved and now we know the sex of our baby. Honestly I have never been the sort of person who could handle surprises. I am ashamed to admit I was the child pinching little holes in the wrapping paper at Christmas time .


So then, we are having a little......girl !!


Her first name will be Sage. We are still out on a middle name, but are strongly considering Anias. Sage Anias Ratafia. It's very odd but it feels like I know her already and cannot imagine life without her. It's not as though I know her personality and can see what she looks like, but there is just a very familiar presence and energy I sense around me at all times now. In the early months we felt like she was not around as much. It was as though her spirit was spending more time detached from her body. Somewhere in the middle of the second tri mester we started to get the feeling that she was spending much more in her body and that's when it seems I could sense her energy and presence more.


I went to another appointment with Amber, our midwife, and she was as lovely and supportive as before. She has a great spiritual strength and her thoughts on our current predicament were very encouraging. I am not going to lie, this whole thing with the bus has been incredibly stressful on me and I worry how Sage must be feeling. I wish so much that I could be spending all my prenatal time in one place, in the forest or on the beach, instead of in the outskirts of LA dealing with all this. She echoed our thoughts that everything happens for a reason and that we need to just trust. She also said that Sage is head down and growing well.


Only two months and counting until we meet her in person......

When it Rains, It POURS......

I have some bad news to report..VERY bad news. In fact the worst news possible, baring death or illness.


It seems some a**hole thought it would be funny to pour an unknown substance (not sure exactly what yet, something gritty. Looks like maybe sugar.) into our fuel tank. We of course, did not realize it at the time and were driving merrily down the 101 freeway the other day when the engine started making this horrific banging noise followed by lots of smoke. We pulled off the freeway and came to stop on a residential street in front of a school. Moss jumped out and threw up the hood. After the smoke cleared we saw what appeared to be a hole in the engine block with a rod poking through.


We inspected the oil (at this point pouring through the hole in the engine) and noticed right away it did not look right, it was sticky, gritty and unusually frothy. Immediately we were suspicious and recalled how several weeks ago we returned to the bus to find the gas cap unscrewed and hanging down. This was the same area where previously we had been vandalized ( ironically an upscale neighborhood outside L.A ) with glue in our locks , stolen license plates, nasty obscene notes and repeated egging.


We called our friend and diesel engine mentor Greg who confirmed that indeed sugar in the tank would cause the symptoms we described, but wouldn't show up until after a few hundred miles of driving. That corresponded to exactly around the time we found the gas cap open.


The engine, which was a BRAND NEW, four year old complete factory rebuild is.... DESTROYED ! The timing could not be worse..just a horrible way to start our new life as a family..sigh


When it first happened we were in such a state of shock we did not know what to do. Then we had moment or two of deep despair where we considered throwing in the towel, gutting the bus and selling it for parts. Thankfully that stage did not last long . We soon came to our senses and realized that we must fix it, no matter what it takes, The Enchanted Gypsy must live ! We put way to much work into it and it is our home.



We then set about figuring how, in the next two months we were going to come up with the nearly ten thousand dollars for the cost of the midwife and to replace the engine . Things began looking up a bit after we spoke with our friend Greg however, whom we bought the bus from originally and who still sells bus's.


He said he has a bus with the same engine , (though almost 200,000 miles on it compared to our new one with well under 100,000 on it ) that he would sell us for 800, plus drive it out here for the cost of gas AND help us put it in. He says he has taken out and put in big diesel engines like this nearly twenty times. He will work with Moss and show him exactly how to do everything and thinks it will take about a week or so to finish.


The upside is that Moss will then really know the mechanical aspects to the bus, including how to take out and put in an engine..a very good thing to know when your home is on wheels. The downside is now we have to pay thousands of dollars, plus time and work to put in an engine that is not nearly as good as what we had. If we could only upgrade the engine, or at least put in a new one it wouldn't be so annoying. ARGHHH......


The other lucky thing is that the petitioning season has just started up again and promises to be a good one. For now we have borrowed a car and spent our last two hundred dollars getting towed to a good friends house in the valley. We will be going back and forth between there and Santa Barbara for the next few months working. Greg thinks he can be here within two weeks to help with the engine and it looks like we will be able to work on it at our friend Jackie and Franks house.


Meanwhile.. I have entered my third trimester this week and am feeling quite large and bloated. I am trying not to stress despite all the...well, stress in my life right now. We have two months to make all this money and fix the bus before our baby is due.


I am however optimistic that things will work out, it has too, there just simply are no other options.....

The Times They are A Changeing........

Thank you everyone for your continued messages of support and congratulations. All the positive energy and love is appreciated and well received.


Moss and I had a wonderful Valentines day and celebrated by doing one of our very favorite things... hiking and spending time in wild places. We found a nice state park in the area and went for a four mile hike to a secluded, cascading waterfall, a rare scene in this otherwise arid bio region. The hike included an additional bit of rock climbing to get to the top of the falls, where the most magical little rock waterfall pool awaited. It was smooth and rounded, sculpted by the flowing water for tens of thousands of years. The nature spirits were abundant and I am certain this area was sacred to the native Chumash Indians who lived (some still do) in this area. It feels good to keep active during my pregnancy, though the climbing and walk were a bit more tiresome than usual for me.


I am now 25 weeks pregnant and there is a LOT going on....


Last I updated we were deciding where to have our baby. Like most things in life, we find if one just puts forth good intention, then releases and trusts, everything ultimately falls into place.


As much as we love Oregon we have decided that southern California will be the place our child is to be born. There are many practical reasons for this as well, not the least of which are financial. Here in California, during this time of the year we can make and save a good deal of money. For one thing, people in this area, Santa Barbabra in particular, love my fiber art and I am able to sell it easily. Secondly, this spring is supposed to be a particularly good year for liberal and progressive initiatives in this area. If we stay here we can make and save thousands, in addition to my art sales. Also Moss has made many friends in the area and is curently collaborating on music with some, so he would be able to finish his new c.d..an important goal of his.


In Oregon, we have a place to stay, friends and full coverage for a midwife, but no way to make money, not like we can here.


So..we spent the past month interviewing many midwives all over the southern California region. Most are not covered by medi-cal and the average price in this area for a midwife is 3,500 dollars. On top of that, the ones we have spoken with definitely do not have the vibe we are looking for.


That is until we spoke with the women at South Coast Midwifery. They do accept medi-cal for part of the care, but 2,500 is not covered and would need to be paid out of pocket by my due date (June 5th). South Coast Midwifery is an all women run, midwifery birthing center. They have beautiful rooms with jacuzzi tubs for birthing in, or they will come to you in your home. The midwife we spoke with, Amber, was genuinely excited about the idea of attending a birth in a bus, unlike some of the other midwives we interviewed, who seemed to raise an eyebrow. Moss and I felt a connection immediately. Everything was so positive about our experience with them, and we left feeling very uplifted. With the other places there was often a feeling that we were just another birth. It was very business like and "bottom Line".



The next big decision is weather to have the baby at the birthing center or in the bus. What we would like to do is find a campground we can stay at for a month, or some private land. Then we could set up our 16 foot tipi near the bus. Within that we would put a small wood burning hot tub that could be used for a water birth. This is essentially a wood fired stove that is immersed in the tub, it can be either a wood or metal tub. In our case it will probably be a small circular stock tank. We used to use this for bathing when we lived in the tipi in Oregon, and it works great.


Like everything else I am certain this will all fall into place according to what is for our highest good. If we are unable to find private land or an appropriate campground, then we will go to the birthing center. Both are great options and either one we would be happy with.


As for me personally and physically, all is well. The nausea of my first trimester is long gone and I am now feeling fine, full of energy and life. I can clearly feel the baby move and have been for the past three weeks. It is quite an active one ! I may have my hands full with this little Gemini baby. Moss can feel the baby move as well, and even watch as my stomach shifts and changes shape. I try to walk at least a mile every day as well as do yoga and meditate regularly.


I have some not so good moments as well, usually in the middle of the night. I wake up with a feeling of dread and ask myself "what did we get ourselves into ?" I wonder if I will be a good mom. I think of all my many flaws and how they will affect our child. I worry about the birth and weather or not I will be able to handle the "sensations" of natural birth. I worry that I will suffer from post partum depression or have difficulty breastfeeding. All normal things that many expectant mothers worry about.


Soon these feeling pass as I drift off to sleep, dreaming of our child and all the many things I hope to teach her/him about life and the universe, the magic that is within us and all around us. I awaken in the morning, no worse for ware ( though occasionally a bit cranky and tired), once again feeling full of life and it's many possibilities......